Have you ever had one of those days in which nothing specific went wrong or anything really bad happened, yet you find yourself in a funk? That was my day today. I guess you could blame it on today being Monday, but I find myself having more and more “blah” days lately.
Call it wanderlust, call it frustration with my current job situation, call it my lack of a love life, call it what you want. Whatever the reason, today was just blah, and I’m having trouble shaking the blahs.
For a good portion of the day, I sat staring at my monitors at work, longing to be “somewhere other than here” (TM Jimmy Buffett). I don’t know… sometimes I get in these moods in which I just want to run away. Well, maybe not run away per se, but at least go somewhere else other than McKees Rocks, PA 15136.
I don’t complain about the Pittsburgh area like some people do. I like the fact that it’s a “big” city with a small town feel. I like living close to any number of major shopping areas and the airport. I like the quiet neighborhood I live in. I like having 3 professional sports franchises in town (yes, I do count the Pirates in that). Yet, outside of one year in Washington, DC, and one year in Manhattan, KS, I’ve lived in the state of Pennsylvania my entire life. And now, at the tender age of 38, I’m starting to wonder if my destiny lies elsewhere.
Look, anyone who knows me knows that I have a comfort zone that’s not exactly very large. It’s very easy for me to become complacent and even downright lazy at times. But on days like today, I would give just about anything to be doing anything else other than sitting behind a computer sending email after email out to abstractors asking for order status. Is it an easy job? Oh, yes. Is it a mentally demanding and/or mentally satisfying job? That would be a definite no.
I guess for me to say that I’m bored is something of an understatement. It’s something that had started to happen to me at my old job, and it’s rearing its ugly head once again. Maybe I would have a different perspective if I were actually a full-time employee with benefits (another rant for another time), but I don’t think so.
A few months before I was laid off, I came up with this grand idea of opening up my own sports bar and restaurant – preferably not around here (Bradenton, FL, being my dream destination). I even bought a book called “Running a Restaurant for Dummies,” but I haven’t read one page of it. Now, the practical side of me knows that now is not the time to be opening a restaurant thanks to the current financial problems our country continues to have (contrary to what the White House tries to say), and that’s all well and fine, but I should at least be, y’know, planning something. Yet, most evenings I find myself watching TV or messing around online, wasting valuable time in which I should be doing something.
Am I complaining about something I actually have control over? You bet. But I just don’t feel right sometimes. Maybe I need to have my Lexapro dosage upped. Of course, since I currently have health insurance, I can’t see my doctor without paying an exorbitant fee and don’t get me started on what my monthly prescription costs without health insurance.
Or maybe I just need to do something to get me out of my rut. If it’s too hot to do anything other than lie around the house (as it’s been for most of this summer), then I should at least either read my restaurant book or get back to work on the many stories I have half written. I just hate being in such a funk. I can’t even call it depression because I’m not that down. I just want something different in my life beyond the normal muck and grind. Sometimes, when you get stuck in a rut, it’s hard to get unstuck from it.
I get in these moods from time to time, and I think the fact that since I went back to work in early March, I’ve had exactly three weekdays off – the day of the Pirates home opener, Memorial Day and July 5th – has to be a factor. I hardly count my time unemployed as a vacation. The fact that it happened during one of the worst snowstorms in history certainly added to that. I could really use a beach vacation or a golfing trip or… I’m going to stop now because I know it’s not going to happen. I’ll have to be content to wait for the day of the Buffett concert next month for my next day off. But to paraphrase Stephen King by way of Homer Simpson, “All work and no play make John something something.”
And then when you factor in the fact that I’m about to become a first time homebuyer of a house that I don’t even live in (yes, you did read that right, and yes, it is that confusing), you get a whole other layer of stress and annoyance that is weighing on me. But that’s life, I guess, and it’s part of the reason I just want to go away and hide some days – like today.Anyway, that’s what’s on my mind today. Let’s hope that the blahs go away soon because days like today are way too high on the Number of Frustrated Sighs Index.
I'll be back later on this week with a (hopefully) less blah post.